Wolverine Senior Cornerback Injured, Potentially Season-Ending

Troy Woolfolk suffered a lower body injury during practice on Tuesday afternoon. The word on the internet is dislocated ankle, he's out for several months at least and the entire year is likely.


This is what Butch Woolfolk, Troy's father, told the Detroit Free Press. “I’m only listening to what the coaches told me, but they said it happened during a tackle. His foot got stuck in the turf and his ankle just turned,” Butch Woolfolk said from Sugar Land, Texas, where he lives and where Troy grew up. “It was dislocated and when they put it back in the socket, they did an X-ray and found out about the ligament (damage) and the bone broke.”


The doctors are waiting for the swelling to recede before deciding on surgery.

What this means for the Fall season

Troy going down leaves JT Floyd at one starting cornerback position and a true freshman on the other side. Cullen Christian and Courtney Avery* will battle it out for the other spot and the loser will see plenty of time at nickel.

Teric Jones has recently transition back to corner from safety. He should see playing time as he is now one of the few upperclassmen at the position.

The depth at corner is desperately thin, the Woolfolk injury is truly tragic. If your initial reaction was to sit in the darkest corner of your room and cry while "Don't Stop Believin'" played in the background, I wouldn't blame you.

Without Woolfolk, the only senior in the secondary, Umich can expect to lose at least one more game this season. By all accounts, he had been increasingly more vocal throughout the offseason and he would have been a leader on this team.

* Courtney Avery Digression: His first and last name are male/female first names. My first instinct was that this was a girls name. Don't believe me? I searched the omniscient Facebook for people with the name Courtney Avery. Out of the 46 people that share his name, there are only three other guys on the list. Courtney Avery is an 8.7% masculine name. How's that for metrics? Maybe I shouldn't be making fun of freshman cornerbacks; I don't want to hurt their psyche.

What this means for next Fall

Whoever coaches the team next year gets a 5th year senior in Woolfolk. He can redshirt this season as long as he is willing to come back next year.

Lebron James Rumor Round-Up

There currently are a lot of rumors swirling around about LBJ, and I think he would really appreciate it if I took the time to dispel the dumb rumors and give cryptic answers about the true ones. 

I will be grading rumors on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being not so true and 10 being extremely true.

Lebron and Chris Bosh to the Chicago Bulls: 8

Lebron wants to win and he wants to win now. His best shot at winning a championship immediately is going to Chicago with Chris Bosh. This is where the rumor gets complicated, the only way both go to Chicago is with one of the two being involved in a sign-and-trade. Bosh has already put Chicago down as a team he is willing to be traded to, and Cleveland would be wise to grab a package involving Luol Deng if LBJ is set on leaving. 

Delonte West and Lebron's Mother, Gloria James, have been sleeping together: 1

This rumor started going around after LBJ lost to the Celtics. Supposedly, Lebron found out about Delonteand his mom after game 4, and this caused a breakdown in team chemistry that directly resulted in the losses to the Celtics. Right, the reason Lebron lost wasn't due to his supporting cast is filled with choke artists and the Celtics played suffocating team D, it was because Delonte was having secret sex with Lebron's mom. (P.S google "Delonte West drives the lane", it accidentally brings up this rumor) 

This rumor is foolish and it's a result of old men's penchants for chain emails. Seriously, what's so great about a chain email? Chain emails are so antiquated; Now there are Facebook, Twitter, Stumbleupon,Chatroulette, and Textsfromlastnight to get ridiculous messages across the internet.

There are secret bonuses in Lebron's contract that activate if he signs with a big city team: 2

There doesn't seem to be any official clauses in his contract, but that doesn't necessarily mean he couldn't have a super secret clause hidden in his contract that you can only see with a decoder ring. Sometimes things are hidden in obvious places for a reason. For example, I had no idea that there was a treasure map hidden on the back of the Declaration of Independence until I saw National Treasure. 

Lebron James is the man responsible for leaking the new iPhone: 2

No comment

Worldwide Wes is shopping Lebron James in a package deal with Air Bud: 3

Though Air Bud would provide more support than Antawn Jamison, I just don't think any team would be willing to put up with the headache both divas would cause. 

Lebron James will go play Tight End/Slot Receiver in the NFL: 5

Ok so maybe this won't happen, but the reason I gave this rumor a decently high rating is because there is no doubt in my mind Lebron James would be a Hall Of Famer in the NFL. Seriously, he is 6'8'' and would simply be uncoverable. He weighs more than most linebackers and has deep threat speed. Teams would have to use a lineman to bump him on the line every down because a corner or linebacker trying to jam LBJ would be laughable.  

Lebron James will team up with Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor to form the Avengers: 1

If Lebron really wants to win a championship, this is his best option. 

Taste the Sad: March Madness Early Rounds Recap

That was a great weekend of basketball. I can't complain about the parity, I find more beauty in chaos anyways. These are some of my thoughts after the first two rounds of the tournament.

What I learned

• Setting up 4 tvs, delicately arranged in a way that would make Best Buy proud, elevates the first couple days of March Madness to a minor holiday (I am also grateful to be in college where I can take full advantage of my education by skipping classes on both Thursday and Friday).

• Villanova struggled worse than my Grandma on Chatroulette. I can't believe they survived the first round, and it was no surprise when they bowed out of the second round. They did not deserve a 2 seed.

• Brandon Jennings is a trendsetter; college athletes aren't flocking to Europe to play ball, but they do seem to appreciate his hairstyle. The faux hawk is in, I saw somewhere between 5-7 scrappy point guards sporting the hairdo in the first round of the tourney. Let's hope his new cut does not become popular next March Madness. 

• Don't trust Mormon athletes with awesome names; Jimmer, you broke my heart.  

What I actually learned

• Cornell apparently is an offensive juggernaut, shooting above 50% from the field in both of their wins. Two dominating wins over two solid teams means Cornell is the first Ivy League team to reach the Sweet 16 since 1979. Mild celebrations occur all over Ithaca.

• Jordan Crawford is the real deal. His dunk over Lebron James last summer became an internet phenomenon, but he is not a one hit wonder. He is one of the best scorers left in the tourney, a sleek combination of a slasher with solid range.

• There's a good chance a team seeded 9 or higher will make the Final Four. Typically, these teams would be labeled Cinderella to exemplify their rags to riches story. I don't think Cinderella would be a fitting name this year. It should be something like Snow White; she was hot from the beginning, but she didn't get any love because she hung out with dwarves (MVC, WCC, Ivy, etc.). Finally, the Prince hooks up with her and she wakes up, gains massive popularity, and then makes the Final Four. 

• Kentucky, West Virginia, Duke, Kansas State, and Syracuse all blew through their first two games. Look for the champion to come out of this group of teams. There clearly isn't a wide talent gap between teams, so their runaway victories mean they have the talent and the momentum to win it all. I did not add Ohio State to this group even though they have won their first two games in blowouts because Evan Turner has been sub-par. Ohio State needs him to show up if they want a championship.

Without a doubt, this has already been the most exciting, frenetic March Madness I have ever witnessed. Let's hope that the rest of the tournament keeps the pace. 

Team America's Success Hinges on Clint Dempsey's Knee

I'll be honest, I'm not sure what type of audience I am writing to.

Are you an avid US men's soccer fan? Haha trick question, there are only four of them in the world. Are you the enemy British, who injured the beloved Clint Dempsey in order to derail a World Cup group stage foe? Maybe you're a fellow US sports fan who is also beginning to appreciate the beauty and intricacy of soccer, and for you, I will happily explain how important Clint Dempsey is to the US men's soccer team.

Clint Dempsey needs to play the World Cup. He is an integral part of the offense, second only to Landon Donovan. His loss may force Donovan out of the middle and into Dempsey's position at right wing due to the lack of experienced replacements at winger. His finishing ability would be missed; he was the leading goal scorer in the Confederations Cup (Man of the match against Spain, America's 2nd greatest victory over socialism). He is the US's best goal scorer with Charlie Davies injured and Landon Donovan's increased emphasis on creation and not finishing.

Are you worried yet? The results of Dempsey's MRI should come out later today, but his manager has been saying it's his PCL, an ominous prediction. Seriously, this isn't good. I have bought every single horse placenta on Ebay and I will send most of them to Clint Dempsey. I hope it works.

The loss of Dempsey would create the previously mentioned hole in the midfield. Jozy Altidore, at forward, would be expected to alleviate the loss of Clint Dempsey. Jozy Altidore may become Didier Drogba one day but he currently is too young and raw. He probably will not respond well to the increased pressure, and Landon Donovan would also attempt to shoulder the burden. The worst possible scenario for US soccer is an injured Clint Dempsey, and a subsequent Landon Donovan choke job due to the fact he was trying too hard.

It's important that the US performs well in the upcoming World Cup. The rest of the world doesn't like us that much; they blame us for pollution, obesity, the recession, and Jersey Shore. We're trying to change our image though, we elected Barack Obama as President and created the iPhone (you're welcome).

The US tends to dominate most international sporting events yet we have never been able to make an impact in the world's most popular sport, soccer. This year's World Cup is a fantastic stage to show the world that the United States is changing. Of course this would require a strong showing from Team America, and that would require all the major actors, including a healthy Clint Dempsey.

Agent Zero May Actually be a Secret Agent

Gilbert Arenas, commonly known by his alias, "Agent Zero", caused an uproar recently when he pulled an unloaded gun out on a teammate.

While the general population and the NBA are upset over this latest development, I am enthused for Gilbert Arenas has just reaffirmed what I have been suspecting for the past ten years... Gilbert Arenas is an undercover secret agent.

You may scoff now, but I suggest that you look at the facts.

His nickname is Agent Zero: Sure, it's just a coincidence right? Nope, it's actually the loose thread that unravels Gilbert's secret identity. Wikipedia also tells me that a second nickname for Gilbert has been growing in popularity, "Hibachi". (Possible double agent for the Japanese? Have I gone too far down the rabbit hole?)

He keeps unloaded guns in the locker room: Guns do not belong in a NBA locker room. Gilbert is an exception because he's a secret agent, and he needs to carry a firearm with him wherever he goes. Sure the gun didn't have any bullets, but it was loaded with insults and bruised egos.

He wears expensive suits: All agents dress snazzy, everyone knows this.

He plays for the Washington Wizards: It's convenient that the NBA team he plays for is in our nation's capital. Very convenient. The Verizon Center is less than a mile away from The White House.


Agent Zero hasn't been injured for the past two seasons, he has been off resolving conflicts in Iran, North Korea, and Antarctica: You never heard about the penguin uprising in Antarctica? You can thank Agent Zero for that.

Now that you can see all the pieces laid out and organized, I hope you have concluded as well that he must be a secret agent. That or maybe he's a clown.